AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (2024)

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ohmytwo

FTM, SAHM with an 11 m/o daughter. Also 18 weeks pregnant with our 2nd baby. Sorry if this turns out to be long, I need to add some background info.

My ILS usually watch my daughter on Tuesdays for a few hours. They're the only help we have. Or rather my MIL, my FIL has ALS and can't even hold a book anymore, so I don't expect him to watch my daughter. He's a friendly man, unfortunately completely taken over by his illness. I understand that.

My MIL and I have never really gotten along well, but I have always been polite. I am very strict on my boundaries, and she's always trying to break them. She's used to people always giving into her tantrums and her ways, but I'm not like that at all. If I don't agree, I don't agree. She likes to try to meddle into our house, the choices we make, how we raise our kids etc... Yeah not me. That's why she doesn't like me.

My daughter is sooo energetic, almost walking, constantly climbing stuff. So they have this highchair without safety straps, I have told them many times to please buy another one and if they don't want to, we can buy one. She always told me she'll bring one from work (she works at a baby store) but she never does. So last week we brought one, because I watched my daughter climb out of it and if I didn't catch her, she would've hurt herself. (to which she replied that that never happened with her and she's always right there... Right.) Needless to say my MIL was so mad and she didn't want to use the chair. We told her she has to or my daughter won't come over anymore. So she does.

Fast forward to today. It's almost 30°C, (86 Fahrenheit) my daughter went to my ILS from 8am to 3pm. My husband brings her home and my heart SANK!! She was pale, her eyes sunken in, lethargic, she had a fever, I was FREAKING OUT. I asked my husband what the frick happened, and he told me his mom didn't give her anything to drink today "because baby didn't want to". No water, no milk, nothing. To make things worse, she went for a walk with my daughter!! In this hot weather!! AND DIDN'T GIVE HER ANYTHING TO DRINK!!!

I lost it. I immediately took my phone and texted her (no calls since baby was there) to ask wth happened. She brushed it off by saying "the fever is probably from sitting in the car" (she lives 4 mins away), "baby didn't want to drink", "well I raised 2 of my own guess I did a shyt job then", "I hope you're perfect parents". That was it. No apology, no asking how my girl is. This was 4 hours ago, still nothing.

So... AITA for wanting to go NC with them? These are just 2 of many many things that happened before. Disrespecting me, my husband... But worst of all doing dangerous things with my daughter. This is my final straw though... Any advice or am I overreacting?

AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (2) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (3) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (4) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (5) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (6) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (7)

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BabyMPC

Ultimately it’s up to you and your husband.

I don’t think I would go full NC, but I certainly wouldn’t leave my child in her care again.

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ohmytwo

@BabyMPC,

I think it would be very sad for my FIL, the man didn't do anything wrong. Maybe I'll just ask him to come over from time to time and not leave my baby in their/MIL's care anymore. I just can't shake the hurt of her not caring about our girl and always making things about her, downplaying the severity of the issue right now... Ugh. Thank you for your input!

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BabyMPC

@ohmytwo,

I think that’s a great option, and I would definitely make it known that the reason MIL is not trusted to care for your LO is because of her blatant disregard to the safety and wellbeing of your child.

If she chooses to take it as a personal offense, so be it. Your child’s safety matters more than her pride.

AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (20) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (21) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (22) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (23) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (24) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (25)

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ohmytwo

@BabyMPC,

You're absolutely right! I'm just so emotional right now, I absolutely hate the thought of my baby being in pain or sick because of someone's neglect. Not just someone, a family member.

Absolutely, I really don't care about her feelings regarding my boundaries. My baby and soon 2 babies are the most important. Thank you ❤️

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Sarrai

You can spend time with your in laws without them having to care for your child. I’m not sure this is NC necessary but idk what the history is with them. Sounds like maybe they are to old and over being responsible for a child?

AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (32) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (33) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (34) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (35) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (36) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (37)

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ohmytwo

@Sarrai,

Yeah, I have no problem with them seeing my baby under my supervision. They are not too old, she's just irresponsible apparently 😅 she did it for her other 2 grandchildren (they're 3 and 4) so that's not too long ago either. I mean it could be that she's no longer into watching babies, and I wouldn't blame her. We don't expect her or obligate her to do so. She always asks if baby can come over, and if one week she can't then MIL is crying about how she misses my daughter and wants baby with her etc. So I really don't know... You could be right though! I've never thought about it that way. So thank you for that POV!

AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (38) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (39) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (40) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (41) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (42) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (43)

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babybugs1721

Perhaps your child was already getting sick, hence the not wanting a drink throughout the day?

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ohmytwo

@babybugs1721,

Thank you so much ❤️

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MommaStacy

I wouldn’t go no contact for this but I wouldn’t let her babysit anymore.

AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (56) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (57) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (58) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (59) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (60) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (61)

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ohmytwo

@MommaStacy,

It's not just this, it's everything... This is just my last straw ☹️ I'd feel bad for my FIL though, since he didn't do anything wrong. I want to go NC or at least very low contact, but I know it'd be unfair to keep her away from FIL. I wouldn't care about keeping her away from MIL though, but that's probably because I'm angry with her 😅

AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (62) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (63) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (64) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (65) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (66) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (67)

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CreedsThoughts

Wow. I’m just wondering, where is your husband in all of this? Why is he not the one communicating with his parents & asserting boundaries for your child? Like he was fine with how the baby looked & what his mom did/said??

AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (68) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (69) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (70) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (71) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (72) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (73)

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ohmytwo

@CreedsThoughts,

No he was with me, he just wanted to go home with our baby ASAP. He did ask her wth happened because he saw our daughter was not feeling well at all. He was angry with his mom too, but I'm the more vocal one. He also asserts boundaries for our baby, MIL's just so used to walking all over him and dismissing him that she just ignores him. I don't really give her a chance to do so, and she doesn't scare me at all

AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (74) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (75) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (76) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (77) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (78) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (79)

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mcbroomifer

A baby not drinking anything for 7 hours in 80 degree weather is wildly neglectful. I definitely wouldn't let her care for my child anymore. I wouldn't be texting or calling her, but it's your husband's mother, so going no contact is really up to him.

AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (81) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (82) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (83) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (84) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (85) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (86)

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mcbroomifer

@ohmytwo,

What an awful situation. I'm so sorry for your FIL.

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AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (94)

JessPinkman

You don’t have to go NC to find new childcare.

AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (95) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (96) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (97) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (98) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (99) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (100)

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ohmytwo

@JessPinkman,

That's exactly what I want, to take a step back from them.

Yes it's usually me who gets the blame, you're definitely right about that, since she doesn't believe my husband shares the same view on our boundaries. I'm "overly strict" towards them (not true, they're just normal boundaries, i.e. no kissing the baby, following our sleep and eat schedule since my daughter is the worst sleeper, I write everything down and expect them to follow the note, that just says what and when she eats, when she sleeps and for how long etc) and I don't leave them room for mistakes. Of course I don't 😅

All that aside, I think his mom still scares him to this day, and he doesn't want to piss her off, since she's literally the type to say you piss me off, I'll do this or that to you. It's a process, but we'll get there. I hope, it's for our children's safety so he better

AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (101) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (102) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (103) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (104) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (105) AITA for wanting to go NC with ILS? - Relationships | Forums | What to Expect (106)

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nella77

Regardless on if you go NC or not, your child is clearly not safe in her care. I would not let her watch your child anymore if I were you.

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ohmytwo

@nella77,

This is absolutely the most extreme thing that's happened so far. So yeah I think it's safe to say I don't want to know what else she's capable of because wtf

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princessmommy90

I think a break from them would be healthy. I personally wouldn’t go NC - but I’d no longer allow them unsupervised visits.

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ohmytwo

@princessmommy90,

Yes that's a very good idea. I can't stand her right now, and the thought of ever leaving my daughter in her care again makes me sick

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AF2023

I agree with others. I don’t think you should go NC but I would find alternate childcare arrangements instead of having them look after your kids without you there.

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ohmytwo

@AF2023,

Exactly! I might just do that

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