This is brilliant. Every time I look at The Row I wonder if I’m the only one not in on the joke. Expand full comment |
thank you! i 100% have wondered if i'm being pranked! Expand full comment |
Or conned? Expand full comment |
This is so interesting, because I’m currently reading the book Wanting by Luke Burgis, which is all about the concept of mimetic desire. Basically, the premise is that humans are highly imitative creatures, and what we desire (beyond essential needs) is simply based on what we see other people want. I think we put ourselves into these little bubbles of desire on the internet, where it becomes normalized to desire certain things through mere repetition. It’s made me think that, just as in the rest of my life, I need to be very careful about who I surround myself with online, even when it seems harmless and “fun”. Expand full comment |
Midimalist 13 hrs agoLiked by Totally Recommend Beth Bentley’s post on mimetic was a huge eye-opener for me! When you follow an influencer, you end up in the bubble of their wardrobe and therefore desiring what they have. But we don’t always question if our lifestyle looks like theirs and certainly not if our budget looks like there’s. And to the point of this newsletter, if our moral values align. Expand full comment |
fascinating Expand full comment |
okay that book sounds fascinating. i need to read it. and yeah it seems harmless but gosh we sure spend a lot of time here - it is shaping us. thanks for putting me on to this! Expand full comment |
Doffing Drafts 23 hrs agoLiked by Totally Recommend Thank you for writing this! I love clothing, I'm intrigued by brands, but my budget is very "small". I think about the cost of clothing a LOT. Lately I've been thinking about the phrase, "fashion let's me express myself" and it's coming from people who constantly wear brand new, name brand clothing. What is that expressing? And so...I peruse all the resale sites, all the luxury sites and then go back to Depop to look for a pair of $20 red leather flats. Expand full comment |
ah wow thats SUCH an interesting observation about what its actually expressing...especially if its based on constant consumption. something to think about for sure! Expand full comment |
Midimalist 13 hrs agoLiked by Totally Recommend when I see people constantly wearing new stuff, I think about the fact that they aren’t giving themselves any time to develop into their taste. It would be like walking into someone’s house where they renovate it every couple years to follow the trends, it wouldn’t feel like a home it would feel like a museum. Expand full comment |
oh so true. i feel like patience is SO hard but its way worth it especially when living in a space...i ve learned this the hard way Expand full comment |
Normal Nonsense 22 hrs agoLiked by Totally Recommend This essay is so insightful! The band tee quote is so spot on. Additionally, if we buy clothes to subconsciously project some image to the world of “look what I can afford” the follow up question is what audience are we projecting to? Yes there are niche parts of the internet that hype of brand collabs, new drops, and coveted items that sell out but who in the real world knows about those things and the internalized importance we’ve crafted in our heads? For example, I recently acquired the sezane Clyde coat and have been receiving a lot of compliments on it (which I love the coat and the compliments) when someone says “nice coat” in my mind I think “it’s the Clyde coat from sezane that’s sold out all the time but I got my hands on the last one in store.” Outside of niche internet groups, who cares about those details? Expand full comment |
Reality Testing 21 hrs agoLiked by Totally Recommend This is something I’ve been thinking about A LOT lately. I moved from San Francisco to a small college town in northern Colorado, and no one here cares that I’m wearing Tibi or Rachel Comey (two brands I enjoy)! It’s simultaneously freeing and also a huge reality check—why bother buying an expensive bag if deep down the core reason is to signal to the “right” audience! Expand full comment |
yeah like im buying stuff IRL and the audience is the chronically online...so interesting! Expand full comment |
Midimalist 13 hrs agoLiked by Totally Recommend I also live in Colorado, and there is nowhere that I feel less understood by the clothes that I wear. But it also helps me genuinely dress for ME. If no one cares that the shoes I’m wearing look like The Row then I am freed from the bondage of wanting them. Expand full comment |
Oh goodness, it's so much easier in a small town. I look like a bag lady most of the time because nobody cares a single jot, nobody knows what anything is, and you get asked if you're going somewhere special when you've put on mascara and used a hairdryer (or is that just me? Actually no - I massively complimented a neighbour on her new haircut and she said 'I've just washed it'). Expand full comment |
hahaha agreed! thats real freedom Expand full comment |
Vejeweled 19 hrs agoLiked by Totally Recommend I feel this way even in nyc .... Expand full comment |
Vejeweled 19 hrs agoLiked by Totally Recommend 100 percent Expand full comment |
oh my goodness i think about this too, youve made such a great point! Expand full comment |
Emerald City 22 hrs agoLiked by Totally Recommend Genius. When I joined Substack I was pulled in my the fashion newsletters and increasingly have found most ridiculous in their so-called advice. Your newsletter is inspired and this week’s essay brilliant in its comparison of the ridiculous Row prices and their obvious (proletariat) inspiration. Expand full comment |
oh im so glad you see through the ridiculousness too. thank you! Expand full comment |
musings from my mind. 21 hrs agoLiked by Totally Recommend so many great observations in this piece! capitalism and branding are kinda wild when you think about it. agree that i don’t get the row and while more affordable, the other one i truly don’t understand is jenni kayne. i have a handful of things from her, all of which look ragged after a season. Expand full comment |
thank you! and gosh i SO do not understand JK. and its wild how it feels affordable when its still pretty bonkers expensive. the conditioning is real! Expand full comment |
musings from my mind. 18 hrs agoLiked by Totally Recommend truly! if i’m going to spend $350 on a sweater, vince is where i go. i’ve built up a nice collection from them over the years and ones i’ve gotten 10+ years ago still look great. i love nice things as much as the next person but the quality needs to be there too. would love to read a longer form on your JK thoughts! Expand full comment |
Practically Deliberate with Abb… 20 hrs agoLiked by Totally Recommend Eagerly awaiting the Totally Recommend takedown of Jenni Kayne! I, too, alternate between succumbing to the siren song of these over-priced aspirational lifestyle brands (ashamed to admit I did buy a pair of High Sport pants…though at a discount) and feeling completely sheepish and annoyed at myself. Expand full comment |
we are all susceptible to the seductive siren song! dont beat yourself up about it. and oh ive got my eye on jenni. haha Expand full comment |
Practically Deliberate with Abb… 19 hrs agoLiked by Totally Recommend Another Totally Recommend post I’d love to read: post-splurge self-compassion tactics. 😉 Expand full comment |
what a brilliant idea! i love that. Expand full comment |
writing in black and white 10 hrs ago I long for this day — what I love about your approach is it will be done with intellect and wit rather than sheer snark (although a little of that is fun!) I am a huge fan of what you are crafting, and as a former fashion exec now journalist covering fashion/beauty/wellness, I thrive on the honesty — which is not always the case on social or even in some of these excessive, trumped up “i buy 25 things each month” substacks. Expand full comment |
musings from my mind. 18 hrs agoLiked by Totally Recommend high sport is something i’ve not done because they are not my style but i hope you wear them for years to come and enjoy them every time! if so, it’ll have been worth it! Expand full comment |
writing in black and white 10 hrs ago I apologize as I have said this before about JK but that brand feels like the emperor has no clothes — the quality is so poor yet it’s a beloved brand no one will criticize. Expand full comment |
I was in an influencer FB group when there was a mini revolt on JK. Someone finally asked the question “why is it spoken of so highly by X influencer (who runs the group) yet the quality is crap”. Said influencer reasoning was that she has so many things that she only wears things once. It was so odd Expand full comment |
writing in black and white 9 hrs ago You nailed it!! It’s incredibly sad as it both reflects the disingenuous nature of this influencer’s recommendations (and so many like her to be honest) as well as furthering fast throw away fashion mentality. Expand full comment |
musings from my mind. 9 hrs ago “she has so many things that she only wears once” 💀💀 Expand full comment |
“My Color Analysis Said I'm a Cool Bolshevik Winter” Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! Expand full comment |
Nonsense on Stilettos 19 hrs agoLiked by Totally Recommend the thing is, The Row and their price points existed for 15 years before the current fad for quiet minimalism came around - and the craze for this brand specifically was sparked by the kind of celebrities who needed to signal that they had fashion cred by declaring on social media that they were wearing "head to toe @therow" ..... which is as spiritually tacky as being covered in logos or head to toe spon-con. And I'm self-aware enough to admit that despite my admiration for what Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen have achieved with The Row and also with leaving child star life behind forever, it's precisely the association with tacky 'has a stylist but no real style' celebrities, substack status seekers and the kind of people who'd buy plastic mesh shoes for 900 euros just for the name on the tag, that turns me off that brand - fashion is an association game and when the associations are repellent..... on the other hand, I have no such problems with Elizabeth & James, which is their more budget-friendly brand with a bit more flair and really good quality for the price point (my favourite trousers are from there, as was my bag from 2018-2021). Expand full comment |
i was nodding yes, yes, yes to your entire comment. you are so spot on. also i have quite a few elizabeth and james pieces and jewelry that i love and i find it kind of funny how they have basically low resale value while the row is such a coveted brand. just interesting... Expand full comment |
Nonsense on Stilettos 3 hrs ago the resale value spike is 100 percent a response to The Row's becoming the new It Label - right before and even during the pandemic, some pieces from the brand were selling at what I'd consider reasonable retail prices - like sub- $150 for trousers on TRR. I remember Elizabeth & James started off in the same 'contemporary' price bracket as Rag & Bone etc but around 2018 it became a line at a budget store, Kohl's. I'm not surprised the resale values are correspondingly low but I'm not complaining! Expand full comment |
International woman of mystery 8 hrs ago Elizabeth and James jeans just are perfect for me . I can’t explain why. Even the Kohls collab ones! Perfect fit. It’s my own private Row (I do buy Row trousers on TRR sometimes. Always sort low to high, plenty of options…) Expand full comment |
Nonsense on Stilettos 3 hrs ago yeah any kind of pant/trouser/jean is usually a tricky between-sizes conundrum for me but the E&J ones are one of the best-designed pairs I've ever owned despite their fabric (thin silk, a fabric which labels selling trousers for over double their price point can't get right but E&J somehow did) Expand full comment |
bad influence 18 hrs agoLiked by Totally Recommend I love this so much. Super insightful and spot-on.. I do own a few items (not in the $9000 range, lol, and not the $500 white tee) from The Row and will say their leather quality is excellent but in my opinion the prices have only gone up and the design/quality has gone down? Could say the same for so many brands. Quiet luxury has, in my opinion, tampered with some brands creativity. I think I offended a few people when I posted that my Row canvas Idaho tote broke but !! the fact is my LL Bean held up better… and it made me think a lot about why I felt such a longing for the bag in the first place. Expand full comment |
its so helpful to hear from someone who owns the row pieces. i agree with you about tampering with creativity. its also funny that people would be OFFENDED that a bag broke? thats truly funny behavior. also ll bean forever. Expand full comment |
I studied abroad in Eastern Europe and was so grossed out by classmates who would buy and wear furry hats with a hammer and sickle on them... and I feel quite similarly about The Row. There's something patronising about it. Expand full comment |
it is patronising - thats the word for it. even more so if youve actually spent significant time in eastern europe and experienced the history and people of these places! Expand full comment |
Really appreciate the read and reflection. My “style” varied depending on who I was with, which is just dressing to fit in. I have always been working class and never considered myself to have a real love or sense of fashion as joyful expression. Yet when I went to college, I quickly learned the (bullsh*t) art of fitting in at any cost and graduated with cc debt. I’ve never actually loved the aesthetic of the most popular brand names during my college days but again, fitting in. I did gravitate toward minimalism and quiet (affordable) luxury as soon as I moved to NY and then got into “sustainable, minimalism, women founded blah blah” type brands. My shopping was lead by thoughts like what are my friends or coworkers wearing to X event and let me do the same. It was exhausting and not sound financially and I barely liked most of the people I was trying to emulate. I now have kids, work remotely and live in the suburbs (in a bubble?) so have less social events, desire and money to shop for the gaze of what others think. I’m aging into getting more comfortable being myself instead of projecting something false but the urge to shop before socializing hasn’t fully gone away and social media certainly doesn’t help. I honestly hadn’t really heard of The Row before the last year, so maybe my bubble is somewhat useful sometimes or the algorithms just know I’m broke! Expand full comment |
i fell into such a similar cycle as you! its so great that youre getting more comfortable and also youve dodged the row for a good while 😂 Expand full comment |
Ex-Commie Russian Mommie approved. https://youtu.be/UM_EsI8z40E?si=Got7uWREVaiSUilX Expand full comment |
Dead! Expand full comment |
Wow, the paragraph on custom tailoring vs buying into a brand ID is really interesting. “What group am I part of then” is going to keep me scratching my head. If you have more musings on that please share in future! Also lol is it about to be “ussr gymnast shoe” summer? Expand full comment |
yes i've been thinking a lot about this group signaling...i'll def share more and would love to hear any thoughts you develop, too. Also USSR gymnast shoe summer has me dying laughing! Expand full comment |
This made me laugh! Great points and especially great writing style Expand full comment |
thank you Grace! Expand full comment |
A good friend of mine who makes a mill a year, shops here. To her, the prices aren’t a deterrent. She buys a few pieces a year and adores them. The comfort I feel when I can afford something at COS, is what she feels at the ROW. I am glad that I dont confuse myself with her means. If i do, I would consider it an individual failing than the Row+influencers out there to get me. Expand full comment |
yes exactly. this perspective is everything. ill never forget my friend told me she went to private college and it was eye opening how wealthy people were at her school. one night they were partying and some girl threw up on her clothes and she looked up to my friend drunkenly and said "dont worry, its just theory" i lol'ed at that story. theory is still an expensive brand to me but it just shows how its all relative. Expand full comment |
@heymrssolomon 16 hrs agoLiked by Totally Recommend I'm always amazed when people vote for someone who would want nothing to do with them. Would prefer they and their kind not even exist. There is that here. That said, I live in Miami and have more than once looked at those (wool) fairy f*cking shoes. I imagine putting them on would manifest a fairy who would instantly simplify my life and make me understand. That is powerful stuff. Expand full comment |
you have a knack for summing concepts up in one sentence so well. "vote for people who would want nothing to do with them" and im loling at the fairy feeling...ive had it too! Expand full comment |
